a tomato red wall...

So I've been having a real bummer of a couple of weeks, not consistently, but more days here and there than I'd like.  I suppose I have had some things on my mind, some concerns, that I've wanted to keep to myself.  My preoccupied mind, combined with the end of the pre school year (i.e., seeing friends regularly, even if only for a moment), the horrible rainy weather and my rationale that I should be concentrating on preparing my Etsy shop (opening August 1st!) has left me feeling surprisingly lonely!  Although I rarely have so much as a moment to myself, feeling alone in your thoughts can leave you feeling as if you are on an island.  

In this last week, I have looked to others for inspiration, to remind me of all that I have in my life that I am eternally grateful for.  When you get stuck in a rut, it can be only too easy to fall into a state of tunnel vision.  All you can feel is that pull and it can be hard to try to devise a strategy for just how to put one foot in front of the other.  So I gave up trying to strategize and just kept moving foward.

As lonely as I might have felt from time to time, I know that there are probably many women who can relate to what I am saying.  Perhaps my words will touch someone, just as the words of other talented bloggers have touched and inspired me.  I love being a girl because even though many of us carry the weight of the world on our shoulders: the grand organizers of our families on every level; if we can only stop to remember, we will know that we are not alone.  Women in times past relied on their girlfreinds, shared time caring for their children together, cooking and doing household chores.  How else could they manage all of what they had to?  Feeding too many mouths with not enough money, sickness, lonliness, giving birth, striving to feel a sense of worth and fuflillment in one's life, the death of children and loved ones?  It seems like too much for anyone to bear.  

I am inspired by all that our ancestors were able to endure and it helps me to feel brave enough to face the challenges in my life today.  I am thankful for knowing where to find women who's words can bring tears to my eyes and hope to my heart.  Suddenly, I feel more alive, stronger in a way.  I turn on some old standards on the stereo while I make dinner.  I open the windows and allow myself to feel the warmth make my skin dewey.  When I call my children inside for dinner, I stop to smell the leaves of my tomato plants, I am so anxious for all of those glorious green globes to turn red!  The highlight of my night becomes seeing my daughter's amazement as she sees her first fireflies with a different awareness than in summers past.

For now, I don't expect life to change very much, however, I feel that my attitude has changed.  I feel like doing something bold, like painting a wall tomato red or buying a hat with a big floppy brim.  I'd like to watch every night of the Fourth of July fireworks that will likely be begining tomorrow night...letting life's joys fill me up.  We'll see what happens?

a.

         

Comments

[Carrie :: Between Hitching Posts]

beautiful post. I have felt the same way that you have so beautifully described. I love the part about bravery gained from remember in the lives past. That works for me too & helps me to find joy in keeping house & making our house a home. I find great inspiration in this. I am glad that you have found inspiration as well.

[Tammy]

love this post! Very inspirational and so, so true. I think we all have those moments. Focusing on our connections helps (tomato red paint helps too). I think it's so easy, as moms, to get bogged down in our day-to-day work. Thinking about what that contribution to our family really means helps me when I feel in a rut. Of course, friends like you also make it fun!

[apples for poppy anne]

wonderful words!
there must be some universal energy shift going on...either that or we're just on the same wave length...
nice to know i'm not alone
e.

[http://mysweetbabu.typepad.com]

Thanks for your post.
It is a great feeling to know that you're not alone!
Sometimes it feel good just to write about how you are feeling, it makes such a difference!
: ) alison

[http://mysweetbabu.typepad.com]

You're the best. Can't wait for our playdate!

[http://mysweetbabu.typepad.com]

Erin
Thank you! Your post the other day was a huge inspiration in helping me get out of my funk. It is not always easy for me to write this way, after I finished, there was a part of me that wanted to just delete it and write about some craft I had done...

Writing in this way is healing, I feel more energetic and optimistic, so I'm just going to try to hold onto that!
Thanks again.
a.